Every single one of us, at one time or another, has held a grudge against someone — it’s human nature. It’s just so much easier to be bitter about something than to let it blow over, but we’re not doing ourselves any favors by holding onto those grudges, no matter how big or small they may be. While it’s easier said than done to forgive and forget, it’s always best to at least try — and, of course, to look inside yourself to figure out why you’re harboring these feelings.
The best way to let go of a grudge is to literally get it all out from inside of you. Tell a friend, write it in your journal — it doesn’t matter how you do it, just don’t keep it bottled up in your mind. Make sure to acknowledge why you’re still angry over the situation and then decide if it’s really worth it. Something as small as a family member not apologizing to you over something silly most definitely isn’t worth the time and stress; try talking to them about it and then just let it go.
Depending on the severity of the situation, holding a grudge can really make or break a friendship. At some point, you have to decide if you want to mend the relationship and get over it, or if the negativity outweighs the good in the relationship. Just don’t allow yourself to string someone along because you can’t make up your mind about whether or not you can let it go. You need to know when to call it quits.
The most important part of letting go of a grudge is moving forward. Once you’ve chosen to forgive or move on, don’t allow the grudge to creep back in. Never try to rehash the situation, because it will only bring back all of the negative feelings — and then you’re back at square one.
Try not to sweat the small stuff, and keep in mind that we’re all human and we’re all going to make mistakes, what really matters is how we handle ourselves when those mistakes are made.
What are some ways you’ve dealt with your own grudges? Did you get over them or are you still holding on and why?
Hi Jenny!
I absolutely love your show Donnie loves Jenny! You guys are hilarious! I can tell that you both love each other so much! I love seeing that you are in St Charles. I live about an hour south of you! I am wondering if you can share where you got your sign, “Wahlberg ? McCarthy” that is in your kitchen? I think it’s so cool!
Have a great day!!!
Jayme
I all so feel hate and it does hurt a lot. I have to dell with it every day.. I have been hurt all my life by others. To make them feel good about them selfs. I had to give up my job. I was the last one to go. All my true friends gone be 4 me. I was dreading going to work and getting hurt by others and the c.e .o do not care about anything any more or the safety of others . It was the team leader. As for coworks go.. They do not like some who is different. I try to get over being hurt a lot . I love the show that you two doing. Y’ll are funny and make my day . ?
Jenny! You are so Real & Awesome! Please never stop spreading your Love & Positive thinking? I appreciate you so much. Thank You..xoxo Class act mixed with some #dirtysexyfunny ?
Golden rule… is it going to matter in 10 years?? Or even 5?? If not, move on!
So true…Don’t sweat the small stuff!! And one to go with that is, think before you speak! For some people, when something upsets them, their knee-jerk reaction is always to fly off the handle. Instead, take some time to think about the information you have received or the incident that has occurred. Maybe you will find out that it is not the big deal that you initially took it for, or you misread the situation, and can work it out without the temper tantrum. And if you find that enough is enough, better to cut ties than try to keep pretending that things are ok, and save yourself the misery. Keep love and positivity in your life, and all things good will come your way!
You should never let someone steal your sparkle. Usually if you are bitter or hurt by something…it’s more about them than you. It’s good to forgive and let it go for your sake. The anger and hurt will just “dull” who you are. Forgive and let go…..maybe your “sparkle” will rub off on them.
Great view point Jenny and I honestly struggle with this one. I know in part it is my ego wanting to get even for the injustice so to speak to me and sometimes the people I care about but you are absolutely right about letting go and moving on. Sometimes easier said than done but getting with time. Thanks for you insight!
Cheers Tray!
Sadly, grudges are part of my genealogy. I’ve gotten better about it as ice gotten older, only because I finally understood that forgiveness is for me but I still struggle w people who voluntarily screw me over.
I have to admit, I’m a grudger! I tend to be pretty laid back and a go with the flow kinda girl, but when something really hurts me or really upsets me I do have a hard time letting it go. I will typically avoid the situation so something nasty doesn’t explode. I’ve not always been successful at that. At 43, I’m trying to learn, but I’m an old dog and it’s a new trick. Fortunately, there are only a small number of experiences I’ve had with it! Here’s to trying to grow (up not out!)???
Dear Jenny, Unfortunately letting go is not something I am good at doing. I am much better at revenge then hopefully I will feel better then I can let it go. But it depends on the severity of the situation. Maybe it’s the leo in me but I like to make you pay before I let you get away. Love you so much. Take care. Xo
Thanks for posting a great topic! Letting go is sometimes really hard for me although I know it is a lot healthier to release the pain/anger. I appreciate you opening this blog out to the world for us all to understand that it is human nature for us to want to hold a grudge and forgive ourselves if we do and also have the strength to forgive others as well. Thank you Jenny!
Hi Jenny,
I am going through that very same thing right now in my life! I am struggling with a 20 year relationship with someone! I am angry and hurt because, I feel like our relationship has been superficial on her end! I have chosen to stay out of her life right now for many reason! But I am feeling hurt and angry because of events that have happened in the recent months! Yes in someways I am holding on to a grudge! But in other ways I feel like I am getting rid of the negative and drama!!! I am usually the one reaching out within a few days! However I have let it go on for a week of not reaching out! The funny thing I don’t feel guilty like I normally do! I really feel I can go on awhile before I talk to her!!!
Jenny,
I am dealing with a grudge right now. Here is the thing, my husband of 17 years had an affair!! We have two kids together. As of right now we are still together, I know crazy right?? For the last year I have been trying to forgive and forget. So far that is not coming very easily, he has broken my trust and stole a piece of my heart that I will probably never get back. I have seen others go through this and come out better on the other side. I just don’t know how long to wait for the forgiveNess to come or if it would be better to move on. Thanks for the eye opening blog!! You and Donnie are an amazing couple and I hope that one day in the future I have that someone that completes me!! Love ya!!
Jenny,
Thank you for posting about this topic. Definitely something I needed to read today. Makes me realize it is human nature but not let a grudge hang around forever. Focus on the other things in life, and move on.
I only have one person that I just cant let it go. She was an old boss that fired me after working for a company for 24 years. She was a strong female that was intimidated by strong females. She is the one person that I would say I honestly don’t know if I saw her in the crosswalk if I would stop or speed up.
Grudges, well that is a subject that has been like a soap opera, between my family and some friends from childhood that still treat me like an out cast in Boston!! you know who you. are! Lol…I have learned in my 46 years to not hold grudges, because one day you may need someone and where they?
Grudges aldo cause years of recentment and health problems. For years i have held grudges against people,because of one thing or another but some of us learn from our mistakes and some don’t. One grudge i will keep is from my sons father who i can not so quickly forgive for all the problems he has caused me over the years, from kicking me out of the house, while pregnant, making quit my job, using me as his little to and making me lose everything i owned and making my son and sleep in shelters, being treated like trash for years and yet, I am the black sheep and dis owned by my family for know reason.So if old a grudge against his father, well so be it!! Let me known i am a survivor, no matter what people say..with that said.My son and i are well!!
Jenny sorry i missed the show yesterday and i plan to watch more often..Love you guys.. xoxo..
Hi! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the fantastic work!
Right-On Jenny <3 …….life is a journey of self discovery …….letting go of past hurt is essential to a happy peaceful life…..Change is the ONLY standard….
I love this blog…a great reminder!
Thanks-a-mundo for the blog.Really thank you! Awesome.