It’s inevitable that at some point in our lives we’re going to be disappointed. No matter how big or small the disappointment, it’s never a good feeling. Remember back in the day, when you would do something wrong and, instead of yelling at or grounding you, your parents would give you the, “We’re disappointed in you” speech? Those were always the toughest fights to get over because no matter which side of the fight you were on, the feeling of disappointment was hard to deal with.
But wait — before you go reaching for the double-chocolate chunk ice cream or a open bottle of wine to drown your sorrows, consider these tips for dealing with disappointment:
• Make sure you get it all out. Express your hurt or anger however you would, but then take a step back and look at the big picture. Should you really waste your time and energy being upset that your date stood you up? No. Don’t mope around feeling sorry for yourself. Take a deep breath and ask yourself if what you’re upset about is worth getting worked up over. Give it a week and there will be a new man — an even better looking and more successful man — at your doorstep, and you’ll have forgotten about the jerk who stood you up.
• Don’t allow even the biggest disappointments to make you doubt yourself or your decisions. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves and feel like failures when something doesn’t turn out right, but you can’t beat yourself up about it, because things really do happen for a reason. If your offer was denied on a house, then that house wasn’t the one for you. If you spend too much time being hard on yourself, you’ll just be wasting time you could be using to finding an even better house. Try to learn from the experience and move forward.
• Adjust your expectations. Oftentimes when people get their hopes up for things, that’s when disappointment really the hardest. If you go in for a job interview and come out telling everyone that you “have it in the bag,” and then the job is given to another candidate, you’re not only going to feel disappointed but embarrassed on top of it. Reevaluate how you handle certain situations if you find this happening too often.
What are some of the methods you use to deal with disappointments in your life?
You’re right, one of my biggest problems is having such high expectations of everything, my spouse, my kids, coworkers etc…
I find myself disappointed more often then not. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. Not as much these days. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you. I love all your books and your show. It’s hard to be disappointed. I thought I found the love of my life I’m still dating jerks. It hurts but I soon hope to be over it. I’m a co-dependent thank you for Ross Roseneberg. I purchased the book and watch his lectures. I admire all the good things you send out to the universe with love. BLESSINGS TO YOU AND THE FAM!????????
Amazing how I needed this today….. Thank you for that…
A way I’ve learned to cope with disappointment is to journal it all out, what happened, my feelings(the good, the bad the ugly), write out then turn the page and write what did go right today, and if there is anything that I am looking forward, and if not, then I write about things I am grateful for.
I use exercise as a way to deal with disappointments. Whether it is lifting the weights, spinning, or hitting a bag during kickboxing, it allows me to get that pent up frustration. I’ve also had to learn not to work myself up into an “expecting frenzy”.
Great stuff J dog!! Thints always work out…the only disappointment is living a boring perfect life.
I love being dysFUNctional that was I am never disappointed!
My problem is that I am harder on myself than I am on anyone else. I will beat myself up harder than I would to anyone that has ever disappointed me. There are times that I am way more disappointed in myself than others around me are. And it is a very, very hard thing to change about myself.
Thank you Jenny, you’re absolutely right about this. Sometimes we have to face the truth we cannot do it and be disappointed in ourselves and or our children. I’m struggling on a daily basis but your article made me realize what I have been doing wrong. It’s time to fix myself.
This is soooo true! I needed this more than you know today. I have so stinking thinking to change, and the change starts NOW! Thanks for the love Jenny. <3
My biggest disappointment lately was finding out my husband was cheating on me and Donnie told me on April 8 not to blame myself and I don’t. Reading this yesterday has really helped me…… “Don’t take responsibility for them not seeing your worth. Don’t trick yourself into believing you deserved this. It wasn’t you. There was nothing you could have changed that would have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have made them committed. You can’t change the ways that somebody chooses to stay stuck in. You just have to realize that there’s some battles you can’t win. – Trent Shelton” I know that my son and I will be okay…..there are brighter days ahead!
Dealing with disappointment is part of life. We all make mistakes. I think there are a few things I look at: 1) Can I fix it? If so, do it. 2) If it can’t be fixed, find a way to move on graciously. 3) Be grateful others care about your success. Never be too ashamed to apologize to yourself as well as others.
My whole life has felt like a disappointment mostly because no one ever really showed me how to deal with the feelings properly! We never had a chance as kids to fully process all the disappointments we had from living in such a dysfunctional environment like we did! I think it’s actually harder when you grow up that way to even imagine what having success would be like! You actually get used to life itself being such a disappointment that there doesn’t seem to be any other way! I don’t know how much lower my expectations could have gotten to have tried to avoid being let down by how my life turned out! I’m not filthy rich,I don’t have a super hot wife who looks like you,and I’m just an “Average Joe” when it comes to looks,but I know things could be a lot worse!
The reality is that life isn’t always fair so I shouldn’t have the expectation that it will ever be! It wasn’t fair that my daughter ended up having Cerebral Palsy which is something that can’t be fixed! It was a miracle she survived childbirth so once again it could have been a lot worse! It wasn’t fair that I had to deal with severe mental health issues that kept me from being the father I wanted to be and that she deserved! I missed out on a good part part of her life and that’s a disappointment that still haunts me to this day! I guess it’s just something I needed to get out there since I don’t often talk to people about what I have been through since they can be very judgmental! You seem to be an amazingly beautiful intelligent woman who does actually care about other people! Hope you are doing well and thanks for sharing!
When I face dissapointments like a recent hit and run on my car, I give it to God.
Sometimes it’s hard to sit back and remember the right things to do or think. Our first instinct is to react without thinking… Well at least for me. I have worked and still working on it everyday. You have it this out of the park. Things come into your life for reason. I believe me coming across this was to read I’m not alone. Thank you
Jenny, I am binge watching Donny Loves Jenny and I want to tell you how happy I am for you and Evan that you have Donny in your lives. I am a single mother of a child with Autism and it is so hard to do things on your own. When the men in your life haven’t stepped up to the plate and let not only you down but your child. It is a huge dissapointment. But instead of wallowing in my dissapointment, I think of how I’m kicking ass and doing the best job I can! I so hope to one day have someone to love me and my son like his own and to the be there for him. I love you guys, you give a single broken hearted mom hope!
Im going through alot of this right now….. but you are so right jenny, my disappointment was actually a blessing in disguise, I am focusing on a positive turning point and hopefully many more sunshiny opportunitys!
Th@nks jenny!♡
I’ve faced many disappointments related to weight loss recently. I’ve learned that it’s ok to take baby steps, a little progress each day (no matter what you’re trying to achieve) really goes a long way 🙂
I usually read inspirational quotes and play some Amy Grant or calming music to put me in a better mood. Too often, I feel we get caught up in the hysteria of the moment when there might be a situation where you are contemplating getting two different job opportunities (but with no firm offers) with similar skill sets, expectations, etc. but they are on different sides of the same town.
I used to go in and thinking of preparing for the worst. Now, I think that things do turn out better even if I get a lot of no’s in the email or regular mail from back in the day. As long as you are receptive, eager, and willing to take on any challenges, maybe that one “no” could eventually turn into a “yes.”
I try not to get disappointed in my life in general. I do however have a 17 year old boy. It was very disappointing at this stage of the game to have a child that is so uncaring about things that have to be done in life like school, chores etc. Because I am very assertive, organized and don’t wait until the last minute to do things(I am a nurse) I wanted him to actually be ahead of the game. He will wait to do any projects for school in a timely manner and not focus on school in general. He is a true millennial! Everything on his time-pick up his room, bathroom or put the dishes in the dishwasher. I was at first disappointed in the grades, the lack of caring for personal hygiene, picking up his stuff or even flushing the toilet! Gross I know! It has been a fight for 4 years now. Now I just close the doors and tell him yes I am disappointed in his behavior and lack of motivation and I had wanted better for him but he is choosing to make decisions and some day he will hopefully come around. At 52 I have decided not to let it give me gray hairs where I don’t want them or diarrhea from the stress! It’s going to be about me 🙂
You are so on point Jenny. This was a great reminder and I am currently reading one of the books your recommended on forgiveness so I find that most recently I have been able to step back, figure out my feelings, forgive and then let it go. Thanks for the reminder and always great advice.
Cheers Tray
I have been going through a tough time with my son. He hardly talks to me and it is all about his bipolar wife. She plays games and I always look like the bad guy. I have excepted the situation and am always positive around them, but, she always comes up with new drama to cause problems. My son came to town and didn’t call or come over. It is hard, but, this blog reminded me to deal with and move forward. Thank you, my life has always surrounded my kids, I am learning each day, to make me important. These reminders help.
Disappointment is a really strong word in my home and has a lot of power in the meaning so I rarely use it. I’m pretty lucky with two awesome kids but even the most awesome kids can be asses at times I mean they are kids! Lol well I don’t need to yell or punish them when they screw up…if my son does something stupid (like getting suspended for mooning his buddy out of the back of the school bus…wouldn’t have been so bad if the buddy didn’t rear end the bus lol) anyway, I digress… Dom (my boy) got suspended for 1 day. In cases like that, my dad would have flipped. He would have yelled…grounded me etc. I calmly tell Dom that I’m dissapointed. He pretty much punishes himself when I say those words and he fights tears. Thankfully I have only had to say them a couple times in his life. I’m proud to say he is an infantryman soldier in the US Army…he’s a coach for Special Olympics soccer and special olympics basketball…he was recently accepted into the sports management program at Dean College and hopes to play Lacrosse at Dean. With just 6 weeks left of his senior year in high school he has been a soldier for a year and even though he can endure the training no matter how tough he is…if he felt I was disappointed in him for any reason at all, it would bring a tear to his eye.
I have endured many disappointments in life…being the mom of two awesome people is definitely not one. They make any disappointment seem so minor. I’m a single mom…I work my ass off and do everything I can to give my kids the best I can. We live in a tiny apartment in the city. If i was ok with being house poor and my kids not doing their sports and activities then we wouldn’t live here. But I choose to give them life, memories and allow them to build their confidence and character over a big house any day! My motto is “we live simply so we can simply live”.
Disappointment to me would be if my kids were not happy. So needless to say…being disappointed is a major deal in our little family of three and i hope that my kids feel the least amount of disappointment in their future and i hope that I have given them the tools and taught them how to handle whatever disappointment they do endure.
Sorry for babbling lol
I surround myself with my friends. It helps to keep your mind occupied and you have fun forgetting about what upset you in the first place.
Jenny, I love your books, really great info. I also loved a book you recommended on The View, I started reading it, was such powerful info, I guess someone else, enjoyed it too, cause it disappeared, before I started the second chapter. It was about ” running towards the things you don’t want to do, or fear the most and doing them, no matter what. ” To keep overcoming the negativity that pops up.”
Do you happen to remember this book?
I will be eternally great-ful, if you could fill me in on the Title of the book. I’d greatly appreciate it.
Please post it here, or send me an email.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.?
I went to HR to report harassment that was taking place to a other employee. After I did this person cussed me out I reported it. Twould weeks later I was informed by email I was losing my position and a week later she was promoted. I took leave of absence after 25 years there. HR never helped the employee that came to me. I am disappointed because I trusted a company that I dedicated myself to. I feel like an idiot and don’t trust now. I did a lot to help but disappointed thinking I should have found a way to do things differently.
Jenny – great post. As a father of a 12 yr old son with Autism, sometimes this can be a daily occurrence as you know. Add in work and social situations and you have a prime environment for encountering disappointment during every waking hour! However, as you point out – we can choose not to treat it as a disappointment, change how we respond, and over time train ourselves to come away from encounters and situations “unharmed” and healthy! Cheers and keep up the good work.
I always take issue with the people who say “I don’t expect much of people, that way I’m never disappointed”. YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG!. If you have low expectations of someone, that’s what you’ll get. Human nature dictates that.
My sons will tell you that they felt an obligation to live up to my great expectations of them. And because of that, they are accomplished, professionals with great wives and nice, well-mannered kids. All of whom are great contributors to society through their hard work and generosity to others. Do they all have great expectations of others? Yes. Do they all suffer from disappointment from time to time? Yes. But no one achieves greatness in life if no one expects anything more of them than mediocrity. My family knows this. My employees know this. And anyone who does business with me knows this is my mantra., What I have promised, what they expect, is what I deliver.