We all know one: that person who just can’t help but be negative about everything, the “Debbie Downer” or “Negative Nancy.” It can be really trying to have even the simplest conversation with someone when — no matter what it’s about —he or she has something negative to say. Whether it’s a coworker, a friend or a family member, dealing with someone like that can take its toll on your own mood.
I’ve noticed that negative people have a tendency to exaggerate the situation they’re in, which leads them to ignore the positives. It’s important to remember that people who do this may be storing a lot of unhappiness inside and are letting their ego take the lead in their lives.
Here are a few ways to deal with the Debbies and the Nancys in our lives:
- Acknowledge that negative people are negative for a reason: Maybe they’re going through a really rough patch or are lacking love or guidance. Offer them a shoulder to cry on and some assurance — a little love and support could be just what they need to get back on track to living a happier, more positive life.
- That being said, don’t allow them to turn their problems into your problems. While you might feel like you’re helping by letting them vent to you or ask your advice, after a while you may end up questioning your own positive outlook. It’s times like these when we need to remind ourselves that we create our own happiness and nobody — not even Debbie or Nancy — can change that.
- Lastly, keep in mind that the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of you. Ask yourself what you’re getting out of the relationship. If there is entirely too much negativity, maybe it’s time to cut ties and remove the person causing it from your life. Depending on your history with him or her, this might be really difficult to consider — but doesn’t it make more sense to put effort into the positive relationships in your life instead?
When you take a step back to evaluate the relationship, also take a look inside yourself to understand why such behavior and emotions affect you. Taking the time to work on you may just be the key to helping those Debbies and Nancys.
Good Luck!
Great advice Jenny! Thanks for providing a positive and information forum to help others heal grow and reach their ultimate potential.
Cheers Tray
I have had to cut ties with people in the past (and one even recently). No matter how much I listen, try to help, etc, they are just negative people and are never happy. I usually loosen those ties as soon as I realize I am letting them bring me into their world of negativity, which is a tiring state to be in.
Thank you for the advice/affirmation.
Good stuff!
get rid of the player the lousy boss and lousy eating habits.
that canbe both sexes.
replace with a smart equal mate who has no bad habits isn’t a haterand enjoy your company JENNY. WE can see jenny did.
THE word relationship simply means you have to see if the ship could sail
before the relations start. today people have it backwards.
I am going through a rough patch myself but my mom keeps saying pray. You see she turned 80 last year and when she was 79 in 2014 a doctor that was supposed to be helping her used a recalled epidural shot in her back and she was supposed to receive the shot in her hip where she got her hip replacement at Barnes- Jewish Hospital in 2002 in St. Louis Missouri. The doctor over at Barnes said that he only replaced the outside of the hip at the time. The doctor would not help her. Then in May 2014 she got this shot and then the month after her legs from the hip down were swollen. We have been fighting this for two years. on top of that this doctor at Memorial Pain center in Belleville Illinois is going to walk because he was sitting at the computer while the other doctor administered the shot. My mom was face down on a massage chair and the nurses were laughing about her pain. In late 2014 my mom fell in the kitchen and broke her femur and she was taken to St. Elizabeth in Belleville Illinois. I tried to inform a social worker of her informed consent rights. and this social worker wanted to put her in Four Fountains and I asked this social worker when was the last time she had been there and she said when it was built and she did not have to go back. Our ex Governor signed an Adult Protective Services law that states that you have immunity if you report suspected abuse. They said I was verbally abusing my mom and I was not I was trying to inform people of her rights. She was in a chair in her room glazed over from the social worker turning up the heat and filling her full of so much meds she could barely stay awake and that is what they call awake and alert and the guardianship laws were so bad at the time people were getting put on welfare and the guardians sold peoples property and houses. In 2015 my mom had to fire a nurse for stealing my muscle relaxers for my nerve problem in my back and for saying she was here less than she was and doctoring up the file and taking it to adult protective services so my mom fired them I have kept a stiff upper lip so far so I thank you for your advise about positivity. In 2014 I looked on A to Z online background search and it said that Southwestern Illinois Visiting Nurses Association had hundreds of computers and 14 million dollars then I look in 2016 it said 1 million dollars. I can completely understand why my governor would want to cut their spending and yet they are suing him. But I am keeping a stiff upper lip and praying that what they have done will come out in the wash. PS tell Donnie I may need your washer because your washer is bigger than mine to do the job ha ha. In 2015 SIVNA just kept it up when a neighbor called about my mom and I arguing we were arguing about what action to take against SIVNA and the doctor. This year is a bit better but I am hoping what those people did will come out in the wash and all I can do is be positive because Donnie once said it is not about being soft it is about being smart and in this case the fiduciaries are the suckers PS. this is happening nationwide please look at stopguardianabuse.org
I am not one to “cut ties” or remove someone from my life unless they it is a truly abusive relationship that holds no hope of redemption. I prefer to ” put some space between us” as I never know when I may need this person or they may need me. I am never one to “burn bridges.” People can and do change.
I so agree with you. The people that challenge us are often our greatest teachers. That being said balance is key. Giving space allows room for forgiveness. I think it’s important to differentiate between the person, and the person’s behavior.
Such great wisdom to share. I was in a toxic work environment for 11 years and just last week started a new career at 59 almost 60 years of age ……
It was that they had to change or me that had to go and I knew they were not going to change, so I took action.
Life is too short and it certainly can be sweet if you just add honey?
I am reading a book by Neale Donald Walsh right now called When everything changes, Change Everything. It is eye opening for me.
Jenny I am going thru a divorce because my husband was this person. He was getting the best of me and leaving was hard but I had to for me and my kids. I’m loving life again and spreading my positive attitude ever where I can.
Thank U Jenny. You are so right. It’s like the saying goes misery loves company. These Debbie Downers like people to join them on their negativity. Thank you for your advice.
Great advice Jenny…..positive all the way….the ONLY way to live…..Running Marshall lake campgrounds for the last 7 years, I have seen my share of negative Nancy’s & Debbie Downers……and the Tattle tells…..I feel like a kindergarden teacher sometimes Ha! Ha!….I LOVE your positive attitude…..Come see me Jenny when you want to (get away from IT ALL)…..Marshall lake camping resort 1301 Marshall Lake Rd. Newport, Washington 99156….keeping it real since 1955…..for reservations call (509) 447-4158 <3 🙂
I had a friend like this and after about a year had to cut ties cause she was exhausting and never wanted to accept any suggestions that would help her with issues she was having. Don’t let people like this drag you down, life is much too short.
Jenny,
Thanks for the tips on how to deal with the Debbie’s & Nancy’s. Too many times I have tried to be a shoulder for them and got sucked in.